You Have Till August 24th to Live According to ‘Satan’ (Updated/Debunked?)
*Update at bottom of post, the pic used has been debunked, which does not bode well for this whole story, plus honestly from the get go it has not been published by any other ‘major’ source online.*
What image pops up in your head when you think of Satan, the lord of darkness, master of fear and deception?
Horns, red skin, tail and a goatee?
What about what looks like the illegitimate love child of Marilyn Manson and Vampira with too much eye make up?
According to one Ashton Black of Tampa, Florida, he is now Satan and we all have till August, 24th, 2015 to accept him as our master or we all die.
All because he encountered the man himself when he walked into a pay day loan store.
You can’t make stuff like this up, read on if you want to live…
According to Mr. ‘Black,’ the devil came into the Ace Cash Express where Black worked (apparently because the bad economy has finally started to effect hell) and turned him into the master of evil:
“Satan was about 10 foot tall, had huge 12 inch horns, was red…
He told me he wanted to enter me. And I said okay, why not? He became a gas substance and entered through my belly button. It felt totally intense like I had just smoked PCP. At that point, I became Satan.
People have until August 24, 2015 to accept me as their Master. I plan to kill billions and billions of humans. Those who do not bow down to me will be ripped to shreds by my demons. Those who accept me will be given eternal life in Florida. The world as people know it ends in August.
I’m your only hope now. Accept me as your Lord and Savior or die. Nobody can escape me.”
Ahh isn’t he sweet folks?
Don’t bother trying to get God, Jesus, The Virgin Mary or The Holy Spirit to help you either because apparently Black killed them last Fall. Perhaps because they defaulted on a pay day loan?
However he did not say anything about Super Mecha Death Christ, so there is always hope.
So praise him by August 24th or you die…or at the very least, you will find it very, very hard to get a loan in Tampa.
Update: Well the party is over for Satan and the people of Tampa can again safely get loans for beer, weed and pizza. The photo turns out to be from a posed collection from a professional photographer with tags like ‘Vampire,’ ‘Halloween,’ and ‘Goth.’
Which is funny because a friend of mine who knows quite a bit about makeup had remarked that ‘Satan,’ was a very powerful wielder of makeup application skills as well as death and destruction.
Although the story may still be true, there is a good chance it is all a load of the kind of brimstone Satan fires off in the toliet.
Oh well, there is always next year.
–Thomas Spychalski (1977-August, 24th, 2015)